Attachment, Love, and Self...

I am a girl aged 3, I live with my mother away from my dad - it doesn't bother me now, for I am young

I am a girl aged 7, I visit my dad and realize what I've been missing - it hurts to leave him once again for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 8, conditions are better we shift countries to settle with my father, I leave all my friends behind - it hurts to leave them and my lifestyle for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 10, my brother moves to a boarding school - it hurts to see him go for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 14, my brother passes away - we went through most of the changes together, it hurts to let him go forever for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 16, I go to a boarding school, I leave my parents - they who've stuck by through thick and thin but I'm hurt for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 18, I leave for university, I leave my parents, my school friends, my culture, my continent - all things that I was ever familiar to... I'm hurt for I am... attached. 

I am a woman aged 25, I marry, I leave my family, my friends, everything I ever had, to make a new life with this man, although I'm happy... It really hurts, for I am still... attached.

I am a woman aged 45, I see my kids going away to fulfill their dreams. I am happy to see them follow their heart, but letting them go hurts for I have grown to be ... attached.

I am a woman aged 60, I see my parent's pass away, although I had left them before they were still part of my life. Not being able to see them ever again hurts... for I am attached. 

I am a woman aged 70, I see my husband pass away, I will always cherish what we had but it's time to let go... Never seeing my companion again hurts for I grew to be attached.

I am a woman of 71, I see death coming, I know that whomever I may have lost or grown apart from will now be there for me. And all it is, is love... not attachment. 

It is said that love doesn't cause suffering, attachment does. Often our relationships are based on attachments, sure love does exist but so does attachment. Love is not about possessing but instead it's a feeling shared. But oh, it's so hard to not be attached to your loved ones and yet love without attachment is the best kind. 

In some societies independence is highly valued and in some it isn't. We can never really be completely independent because every little thing adds fuel to our existence and we can never really be completely dependent because no body can run our race for us. So how do we co-exist yet not be attached? How is it possible to love and yet let go when necessary? How is it possible to be alone and still never be alone?

I read an interesting book about how everything is interrelated and hence there is no need for attachment. When I love someone, they become part of me in one way or the other. I love my parents, they are part of me because I have been made out of them. I love my brother, he shared the same genes as well - so somewhere he is still part of me. All the friends that I make is because I connect to them on a level. That level of connection is part of me, hence they still are part of me. I love my children, they are made from me and they will always be part of me. I love my husband, he too is part of me for we connect on all levels and have created life together as well. Yet, the fear of letting go and my attachment to whom I love is so strong that it can keep me up all night. 

It is said on a soul level you can connect to whom you like, whenever you like - of course not physically. But then, we too are just spiritual beings on a physical journey. And when you acknowledge and accept this it makes life a lot easier. The ability to let go of people you love comes easily for you know you can connect to them whenever you want. All you have to do is have a silent mind and talk to that person. Chances are, if you love that person and know them well, you will hear them tell you things, give you solutions to your problems... and their talks will sound just the way they do in person. When this happens you are connecting to the fragment of that soul of that person you know in this lifetime. 

Attachment is also often decreased by being your own best friend. With globalization happening on a rapid rate its very common to meet a third culture kid or adult who has had various experiences through shifting cities, countries and continents that they don't have a best friend. Besides having a best friend would also require letting go. When you are your own best friend there is no letting go. 

Often people despise being alone but sometimes it's the only option you have. Being your own best friend makes it easier to be alone. That discomfort disappears and there is no expectation or attachment to your loved ones - there is only love. But how can you be your own best friend?

To be continued...