Being I...

As crowds change from generation to generation,

So does the mentality.

For better or worse, 

There must always be changes. 

And life will always go on.

But in the end,

It's about you. 

No two share the same fate...

So, why bother conforming?

Courageous are those who stand their grounds.

'Cause in the end...

It doesn't matter whether you fit-in.

However, what matters is that...

You are satisfied with you were; are, and who you strive to be. 

Must you Plan?

With structure there is predictability, 

With predictability, there is certainty...

But structures break, 

Just the way they are made. 

And like water trapped in a dam,

Everything flows. 

It must! Reluctantly or gracefully.

Calmly, or forcefully. 

But it must mold as per the needs of circumstances. 

Plans, Plans, Plans. I have a plan for this.I have a plan for that. I have a plan for everything. But sometimes, my plans fail. And with age, I've learned that everything cannot be planned. And that there is a rhythm to life that needs to be heard. If plans are inconsistent with the rhythm - they often fail. Hear that rhythm! It has volumes to tell you. Hear it out and trust it.

In this materialistic world, we sometimes aim to achieve things that aren't meant for us. We strive to live a life not meant for us. We push, and we push a little harder until everything is in place and there is a flow... But the minute we stop pushing, things fall... apart. All the plans you've ever made crumble. All the dreams you've ever had are not at all desirable anymore. It's seems like a halt. A painful one.

In reality, it's a start to something new. It's a wake-up call. "Hey! I'm life. Listen to me... this is what you think you wanted and needed. Turns out, you ain't too happy. Just flow with me and I'll show you what you really want and need - your true happiness" and when that call comes... follow it. Be accepting towards it. Embrace it... for if you don't, it will drag you anyways. The more resistant you are, the harder it will be to feel the happiness hitting you on your face. The welcoming you are, the more overwhelmed you will be with happiness. Each day is to look forward to, rather than dread.

If you already have a life where you are living from the heart, I'm glad you know your life's rhythm. And if you are living a life you dread, I hope you hear the wake-up call - and make the changes you need. Listen to that rhythm - it's screaming to be heard.

Plans are great tools, but they are just tools. They help you to guide your life, not to dictate how things should go. Leave some loopholes in them, and let time fill them. Because when the time is right, things arrive and circumstances arise - some good, some bad - and they will change you and your life for better or worse. That depends on how you choose to view it. With synchrodestiny working, there are things bound to happen and sometimes we stop them by intensive planning - so then, they just barge in to our lives and destroy the plans. Eventually, we just work our way through them. And if we must do that anyways, why don't we just let them in and cherish the changes?

The ones you love the most, can potentially hurt you the most...

Love is a high vibration universal feeling. A feeling that we all have towards someone, or something. But do we fully understand it? Do we practice it correctly? Are we aware of the consequences of our emotions, perceptions and expectations?

I wouldn't call myself Buddhist, but I do follow some of the teachings. I'm also a very spiritual person, and I truly believe in love - because that's all you are ever going to be satisfied with. But then my definition of love and the reality of love in our lives doesn't match. There is a discrepancy. Why? Because all I have ever learnt about love is acceptance, selflessness and compassion. But all that I see everyday is attachment, dependency, expectations, selfishness.

When was the last time you loved someone with absolute acceptance to their flaws, their quirks - everything and anything they did would never irk you? When was the last time you loved someone with absolute compassion - no matter what they did you would always be generous to them? When was the last time you loved someone so selflessly that you gave them all the freedom they wanted - be it to do a certain task, or to abandon you? I already know my answer - never. I've never loved someone enough to abandon me, I've never loved someone who I've never been mad at, I've never loved someone who I have fully accepted with their flaws and quirks... yet I am taking a step to it. After all, a journey of a million miles starts with the first step - and the first step is to acknowledge it.

When was the last time you didn't want to leave someone you truly loved - be it for work, education, travelling etc? When was the last time you felt disappointed because someone you loved did something that made you upset? When was the last time you thought your life would come crashing down if this/ these person(s) weren't in your life? When was the last time you got someone to do something for you because you loved them and they loved you? My answer to this is... always! These things happen all the time and their effect is so subtle that one can easily miss out on it.

It's true that there is always going to be a discrepancy between idealistic situations and realistic situations. However, there is always room for self-improvement. I don't expect anyone to become a Buddha over night and practice pure love, but then I know that by taking a step towards pure love - one can hope to eliminate suffering.

The ones you love the most, can potentially hurt you the most when you practice selfish love; when you have expectations that weren't fulfilled, when you are upset about a certain fault, when you are dependent upon the other person. Selfish love is not bad, it's just painful sometimes. And although pure love never hurts - it also requires a lot of conscious effort to maintain it. Love is truly eternal because it is a feeling passed on - two people can be on other sides of the world and yet share love, a person may die but your love for them never does.

I hope that one day, through constant effort I will be able to practice pure love rather than selfish love.

Being Your Own Best Friend!

Continuation of Attachment, Love and Self... 
Dedicated to Monica :) 

It's been a decade since I was told to be my own best friend, and it took me the longest amount of time to understand what that means. Now that I have understood it, I try to practice it... hence I know it's takes lots of time and patience. It is more like a journey than a destination. There will be frustrations, irritations, negativity, confusions and at times you will even want to run away from yourself... and yet, even one moment of success in being your own best friend is so blissful.

So, what does it mean to be your own best friend? Now, as much as I deny I've had temporary best friends and then through time and space we grew apart. I'm sure everyone has met that one person who they can relate to, feel comfortable with and yet have a lot of fun. We all have the qualities of being best friends to someone. But now, that someone is ourselves. List all the qualities you would want your best friend to have and then cultivate them in yourself. Every time you feel low, give yourself love - it's hard, but comes with practice. Every time you see something negative, show yourself the positive - just like a best friend would do. Talk to yourself, because if you can't discuss the issues troubling you to yourself... you can't talk to anyone else about it. And anyways who can understand you better than you?

I know how the society has some stigmas about "talking to yourself", but that's ok... they don't need to know about your connection to yourself. It's not at all creepy, in fact everyone does it unknowingly. Ever thought of things you can't do? - Well that's your mind telling you things about you, it may be right or it may be wrong... but it's still talking to you. However that's negative self-talk, while positive self-talk is what we all need and that's what a real best friend does. Yes, you criticize yourself but it's to help you go forward ... not to limit you. So the more positive self-talk you practice, the better best friend you are to yourself. The more objectively you see your situation, the easier it is to practice this positive self-talk. But sometimes one can't help being subjective and roll into negative self-talk... but this is where awareness and acceptance comes in.When you are aware of your self-talk you can manipulate it to be positive. And you manipulate it by accepting the negative and letting it go for good.

Another thing about being your own best friend, is listening. Sometimes we get so caught up in self-talk that we don't even think about our problems. I have come to realize that when I voice my problems and talk about it, I normally get my answers and all the other person had to do was listen to me rant. So why can't I rant to myself - without judgement, without self-talk (although I may need it after I'm done), with complete acceptance, and with love and compassion? I don't have to rant in front of the whole world, I can do it privately, I can do it on paper as well... as long as I am clearly aware of the whole situation. Often when we think of our problems, we just state the negatives and leave out the positives and the side details, but when we talk it out to our friends we have to explain the whole situation. When we look at the problem holistically things seem a lot smaller than it did when we just thought about the problem. That's why when being your own best friend, you have to treat yourself as an outsider - you must talk about everything so you gain clarity on the situation. And once you've done that, that's when self talk comes in play.

A relationship is always about give and take, hence your relationship with yourself also follows this pattern. You must give yourself every detail of the story to take advice and encouragement. And trust yourself for the best advice, if you can give them to others - you can also give them to yourself, with correct practice. :)

As for my journey, this is what I have learnt so far... and I still have a long way to go because knowing and realizing isn't the same. I know this, I yet have to practice it to realize it.

Attachment, Love, and Self...

I am a girl aged 3, I live with my mother away from my dad - it doesn't bother me now, for I am young

I am a girl aged 7, I visit my dad and realize what I've been missing - it hurts to leave him once again for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 8, conditions are better we shift countries to settle with my father, I leave all my friends behind - it hurts to leave them and my lifestyle for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 10, my brother moves to a boarding school - it hurts to see him go for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 14, my brother passes away - we went through most of the changes together, it hurts to let him go forever for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 16, I go to a boarding school, I leave my parents - they who've stuck by through thick and thin but I'm hurt for I am... attached.

I am a girl aged 18, I leave for university, I leave my parents, my school friends, my culture, my continent - all things that I was ever familiar to... I'm hurt for I am... attached. 

I am a woman aged 25, I marry, I leave my family, my friends, everything I ever had, to make a new life with this man, although I'm happy... It really hurts, for I am still... attached.

I am a woman aged 45, I see my kids going away to fulfill their dreams. I am happy to see them follow their heart, but letting them go hurts for I have grown to be ... attached.

I am a woman aged 60, I see my parent's pass away, although I had left them before they were still part of my life. Not being able to see them ever again hurts... for I am attached. 

I am a woman aged 70, I see my husband pass away, I will always cherish what we had but it's time to let go... Never seeing my companion again hurts for I grew to be attached.

I am a woman of 71, I see death coming, I know that whomever I may have lost or grown apart from will now be there for me. And all it is, is love... not attachment. 

It is said that love doesn't cause suffering, attachment does. Often our relationships are based on attachments, sure love does exist but so does attachment. Love is not about possessing but instead it's a feeling shared. But oh, it's so hard to not be attached to your loved ones and yet love without attachment is the best kind. 

In some societies independence is highly valued and in some it isn't. We can never really be completely independent because every little thing adds fuel to our existence and we can never really be completely dependent because no body can run our race for us. So how do we co-exist yet not be attached? How is it possible to love and yet let go when necessary? How is it possible to be alone and still never be alone?

I read an interesting book about how everything is interrelated and hence there is no need for attachment. When I love someone, they become part of me in one way or the other. I love my parents, they are part of me because I have been made out of them. I love my brother, he shared the same genes as well - so somewhere he is still part of me. All the friends that I make is because I connect to them on a level. That level of connection is part of me, hence they still are part of me. I love my children, they are made from me and they will always be part of me. I love my husband, he too is part of me for we connect on all levels and have created life together as well. Yet, the fear of letting go and my attachment to whom I love is so strong that it can keep me up all night. 

It is said on a soul level you can connect to whom you like, whenever you like - of course not physically. But then, we too are just spiritual beings on a physical journey. And when you acknowledge and accept this it makes life a lot easier. The ability to let go of people you love comes easily for you know you can connect to them whenever you want. All you have to do is have a silent mind and talk to that person. Chances are, if you love that person and know them well, you will hear them tell you things, give you solutions to your problems... and their talks will sound just the way they do in person. When this happens you are connecting to the fragment of that soul of that person you know in this lifetime. 

Attachment is also often decreased by being your own best friend. With globalization happening on a rapid rate its very common to meet a third culture kid or adult who has had various experiences through shifting cities, countries and continents that they don't have a best friend. Besides having a best friend would also require letting go. When you are your own best friend there is no letting go. 

Often people despise being alone but sometimes it's the only option you have. Being your own best friend makes it easier to be alone. That discomfort disappears and there is no expectation or attachment to your loved ones - there is only love. But how can you be your own best friend?

To be continued...

The Dirty Play of Cross-roads...

Life is a strange journey and in this journey we are sometimes brought to a cross-road. Which direction do we choose? left or right? Rather, what decision do we make?

Some believe in fate and other's believe in free-will, there are also people who believe in synchronicity - that fate and free-will are intertwined and make a destiny. Does it matter what you believe in when your standing on a cross-road? Yes, the concept of free-will gives the perception of freedom and security that if you don't like the decision you have made, you can always change it. On the other hand, the concept of fate gives you a relief that whatever will happen is planned for your own benefit. And when you believe in synchronicity, you can take refuge that fate will guide you to make decisions with your own free will for your own benefit. But that's all they do, they don't make the decision for you.

Besides, you can't leave everything to fate - because then you would be doing nothing. Neither can you believe in free will a 100% because things don't always go as planned. So what do you do when you are at a cross-road, when you have to make a decision?

The mind is but a dirty play, jumping from one end to the other. Seducing you to choose one and when you decide to choose it, it lures you to the other. They say once bitten, twice shy but the mind never stops playing its games and we never stop heeding it. We get caught up in these games so much that we fail to realize how shallow they make us with worry.

It is often said listen to your heart rather than your head because often your heart already knows what you want. And your intuition already knows what's going to happen. They say there is a difference between the head and the heart's voice and when you are calm you can differentiate between them. But how do you differentiate between it when your mind is in a turmoil?

I close my eyes and say "what does my head think about ......" and then take a break and say "what does my heart say about...." and I get my answers and hopefully you shall get yours as well.

But how do we really know that's what our hearts really want? What if its the wrong decision? Well, once you've made a decision trust synchronicity, fate, destiny, free-will to make it work for you. If it's not meant to be, it won't happen. If it is, it will. If it goes well, you have a success. If it goes wrong, you have lesson.

We always learn from everything in life whether we realize it or not. And these cross-roads are blessings in disguise as little obstacles. They can only help you grow wiser. So accept that you have a choice, but also accept that you can't control everything every time.

You can't like everyone, and not everyone can like you.

Time and again we meet people of all types; people we love, we like, we dislike or we hate. It's always surprising how that one person can make you smile as if your whole life has been perfect and its annoying how another person can drive you so mad that it ruins your whole day. We always hear things like: "don't let it get to you and you shall be fine" or "what irritates you of another person are indicators of what you don't like about yourself" or "you can't like everyone and not everyone can like you", but do these advice really help?

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no, it really depends on how you use these advice. Do you just keep yourself away from these people? Or do you ignore them? And what about people who get on our nerves by just being around? How do you deal with them? It's not like you would wish for anything negative for them, but you would pray to never see them again. Often these people are the ones that teach us the most.... it doesn't mean that we should like them over the top to appreciate the lessons they have brought to us, but we should aim at all times to be unaffected by their presence. And when we are unaffected, we've learnt our lessons already.

You may say, what will that person teach me when they are so messed up already? Sometimes it's as simple as not to repeat the mistakes they make. Sometimes it's awareness of certain traits that are hurtful, or disturbing. Sometimes the lessons are really theirs, but we re-act a certain way for them to take action and learn from it. There is always an underlying reason as to why we enjoy, tolerate or are intolerant towards certain people and their behaviors. And living with them can bring about a lot of negativity and frustrations within ourselves, hence we use acceptance to restore our positive nature.

However, it's easier said than done! But there are so many ways to approach this situation. If you can't make peace with who they are as a person, try making peace with their behavior that irritates you... if not that, then make peace with not being able to like them. Accepting one of these three things shall ease or erase the discomfort within caused by another person. Once you make peace and accept that their behavior and actions are ones you have no control over, things slowly but steadily start falling into place.

We humans, learn through our emotions and as we exhaust the emotional reactions we have to people we dislike and hate... we become neutral and neutrality is vital to internal peace. So take this day and write of people you dislike and write things about them that trigger these feelings. And once you have something solid, try using acceptance in one of the three ways discussed above... and see if it makes a change. Slowly but surely it will! 

When you can't fall anymore, you can only climb up...

Often we are faced with difficult situations, sometimes they are momentary and sometimes they are prolonged situations. The momentary ones are like one of those days where it rains inexplicably, and ruins plans for the day - but, it's still refreshing. Whereas the prolonged ones are like months and months of rain, with no sun, causing a huge turmoil within. 

Each turmoil is different, each has its own value of teaching. If we didn't have problems we would not have painful experiences that would allow us to appreciate the good and smooth moments of life. Sometimes, we fall into depressions for we feel overwhelmed by situations. And often, these depressions are catalysts for change. Some of us tend to resist change, never acknowledging that change can be for the good too. If good times don't last, bad times don't either... given that, we must acknowledge that whatever changes happen help us develop as a soul. The good times nourish our souls so that we are able to use that as strength to withstand and learn from the bad times. But in reality, there are no "good" or "bad" times, these are just experiences that shape you, and help you evolve as a soul. 


Sometimes a depression is caused by an event, or sometimes by a build-up of several events, either ways it is because we are unable to forgive somebody (may be ourselves or anybody else) or accept situations. And those situations have caused internal chaos of fear, anger and such "lower-vibration" emotions. But because we are dealing with such feelings and emotions, it permits us to go beyond. When you can't fall anymore, you can only climb up. 

Even today, depression is a stigma in society... but it actually is the time one can experience the most amount of growth. It is an opportunity and blessing in disguise. To be able to overcome depression, it is very important to look within and be self-nurturing. Self-nurturing takes forms of acceptance, love, compassion, service, forgiveness and most importantly relief, the minute we stop permitting issues to affect us we grow from them. It may sound easy, but never is. In fact, it may be easier to just continue staying in that state... but it's not worth it. The effort taken to accept and let go is what is required for the soul's growth. 

However, some people take days or months, while other take years but does that mean the growth opportunity is better when you cling to that state? No, not really. It's a matter of being ready. Many people would be aware of the Buddhist proverb "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear", it's some what similar in this case as well. When you feel ready to make the change, your teacher will appear as well - and this applies to any situation in life. And it's okay to not be ready sooner than later. It's okay to savor those moments as well, because until you are fully drowned in those feelings... coming out of them won't make a difference. We humans tend to learn from our feelings and emotions, it is the part of us that connects us to our higher-self. We are meant to experience all sorts of feelings and emotions so intensely that we become unaffected by it. And we can only achieve that state of peace when we remain unaffected by external issues and find refuge in internal joy.

So, whenever you are ready... take that first step. Address the issues that have caused inner turmoil. Talk to yourself, and tell yourself  "I know (these issues) are troubling me within, but I want to give this feeling some love, compassion and most importantly, I want to accept these feelings. And I thank them for giving me the opportunity to grow". Know that as you nurture yourself, you will hurt less. Develop a passion, and enjoy it with your heart when you engage in it. Once you are nurtured, deal with these issues - whatever they may be, and whatever they may need (whether acceptance or forgiveness) and don't associate them to emotions like fear. Always remember, your soul will never choose problems that you are not ready for.  

I am flawed, but not forever...

There are times where everything is perfectly smooth, and then there are times where things are an utter disaster. And often, things tend to be somewhere in the middle. When things don't go right, we sometimes we get caught up in blame games, which eventually point out flaws - it may be ours or another persons.  And often we see flaws of others easily, whereas our own flaws are hidden until it is pointed out. Psychologically, this is healthy for it permits us to hold a positive image of ourselves, building self-esteem. But in reality, it is imperative to acknowledge them because these flaws need not stay with us, and they can disappear through constant effort of acknowledgement and acceptance. 

Acceptance plays a huge role on how we contribute to or eliminate our flaws. Yes, flaws are part of ourselves just as much as any other trait and they must be accepted and loved like any other. When we accept and love our flaws we build awareness towards it. The love and acceptance allow the self-esteem to be secure, perhaps even stronger than when we weren't aware of the flaws. Now if we just leave it at this, then acceptance would contribute to our flaws and we would have no motivation to change. But when we accept it with the intention to eliminate it, the awareness permits us to reduce the amount of times we react to situations through our flaws. And every time we do, we are pushed to be self-reflective. 

Flaws are indicators towards our fears and insecurities. Fears and insecurities which must be faced, dealt with, accepted with love and then eventually we need to let go of them.

For example, we all know of one person (it may be us or someone else) who is very messy and tends to collect clutters from every possible place. It is usually because they have a lot of mental clutter that they haven't been able to deal with. Every time something happens, they just leave it in some corner of their mind and get on with their daily lives... never realizing that it will stay there and conquer space as long as it is not thrown out. Or for example, a person who yaps on all day about his/her accomplishments is insecure of not being accepted, or not being "good enough" for society. And every time one of the accomplishments are brought up, they associate it with self-worth. 

We all have issues like these that we disregard, but some day we must learn to eliminate them - because they hinder our progression to achieve our life goals and to All That Is.

The best way to deal with such issues is to bring awareness to your flaws, love them, accept them, and then bring awareness to every situation where you would impulsively act through these flaws. As you diminish their usage, they are no longer part of you. And they no longer act as hindrances towards your path of enlightenment. 

Every sunrise and sunset is different, yet the essence is the same...

   I make it a point to see the sun rise or the sun set, often. As each day passes, the patterns created by the sun are different and yet just as beautiful. It makes me wonder what causes these variations and whether they have a hidden significance.

  As we've grown up the sun has always been around, more or less - considering where you live. However, when we mention the sun we all have one reference. Its like a constant... yet it isn't. Over the years, it has changed - just like everything else. But it's essence is the same. It still provides us with the same functions it did earlier... if not more now, due to our technological advances. Isn't it the same for us? Don't we change every second? Every time we  have an "aha" moment, or every time we experience something... it changes us, forever. We never go back to being the same person we were, and yet we still carry the essence since we were children. This is applicable for those who also believe in past lives, we can never go back to being the people we were earlier, but instead we carry them within ourselves.

A lot of times, whether we are conscious or not... emotions and feelings that we've experienced because of the changes are also carried on within us. They may be pleasant, unpleasant or neutral, but their impact continues unless we accept them. Today was a rainy day, the sun had an unconventional sunrise - for me, it was equally charming - but it did affect the initial radiance of the sun! As the sun rose to the challenge, the day became brighter and brighter. And, must I say... not all days are bright. Just like us, the sun has its days. But at the end of it, it stays the same despite changing so much! Hence in the long term, acceptance allows us to rise to the challenges and move on with greater strength.

With this thought, I intend to open up to all the emotions built up in me - so that I can embrace each one of them and accept them. Although I do know it will not be easy, who likes to feel unpleasant, or rather chaotic with a mixture of pleasant, unpleasant and neutral? But as each emotion comes up, I shall close my eyes and say "thank you, and this too shall pass". As I do not resist feeling it, it shall come and go - just like all the pleasant and unpleasant times. I sincerely hope that along with me, you too have the strength and courage to accept the feelings and emotions of the past with no resistance. For this time when it passes, it shall mold you and me in to a new being with more wisdom. At the end of the day, pleasant and unpleasant aren't important, what's important is how we grow from it.

Being I

Many a times when we meet people are we really being ourselves? Or are we trying to fit in to the norms of the society? And some people that have broken norms and are being unique, are they really accepted?

Being I is about being unique, accepting and yet living fully. So often, we are afraid to have a voice because we fear being ridiculed, not being accepted and moreover being lonely because we don't fit in. What we fail to see is that there are 7 billion other people out there who are unique, and different, with different thoughts and opinions - and they too are fearful of the same things we are. We can never be alone or lonely because by condition we all are meant to inter-be with each other. We may be as independent as can be, and yet we must inter-be with others.

One can never be unique, different or just be oneself until there is acceptance. And acceptance comes from within through mindful practice. To accept oneself is to be in peace with one. To accept one's fear is to be fearless. Once acceptance is in place, one has returned home in the true sense. Being ridiculed does not matter anymore because one is back home, he is safe and he is fearless and most importantly, he is happy because he lives his life alongside with his morals.

Kids tend to be great examples of this, remember being in school and observing someone being teased, bullied or mocked for a specific reason? It may have been because they were fat and the rest in class were thin, or because s/he was a foreigner and the rest were local, or even because s/he dressed differently. Today when we look back, we shun it off thinking "oh we were just kids" - whether we were part of it or not. However, we fail to realize the impacts of it. That specific child who was bullied, teased or mocked probably still has those scars - be it physical or mental, may be they are suffering from low self-esteem or  low confidence. But in reality, the kids who were in the majority failed to realize that there is nothing about them that makes them stand out. And most importantly, each and every one has a distinct quality that would make them shine, but the fear of being in the minority is so heavily imprinted since school times that we, ourselves can't accept being different. Had we as children decided to be different, the world would have been a better place because the pressures of being like someone, or of fitting in would have decreased and it would be replaced by acceptance.

I have also met people who say "but I don't want to be different", and all I can say is that... "you already are!" It's just that there are definite things (sometimes even thoughts) that we keep to ourselves for the fear of rejection. However, at this point start with acceptance. When you meet someone different - see if you are willing to accept them that way. If you are, know that you too are ready to be different - but do not expect people to accept you or understand you... be happy in knowing that you are being true about yourself. Eventually the acceptance within is what we are looking for.

Once the change is brought about, the fear become fearless, the unaccepting become accepting, and a  surprise is around the corner. Different relationships are created, either with new people or with ones known before. These relationships are much meaningful in comparison to the previous ones, for they are built on honesty and comfort, and most importantly acceptance.

Today I shall start accepting who I am today, and allowing myself to develop into the person I really am.
I do hope that this has encouraged you to accept yourself and others around you.