I thought I loved you,
But I never really did...
Because to love is not to possess
Yet I wanted to have you.
Have you for myself.
Every second, every minute, every hour
All day, everyday... forever
But love isn't about possession...
Perhaps, I was just addicted.
In the past few days I've had a insight about romantic love, which has left me pondering about it over and over again. In an era so promiscuous do we really fall in love every-so-often, or are people - our romantic partners specifically - an addiction? Now of course, if you are committed to someone and it feels right... then this is not applicable to you. But for those of us who are single, dating, and in a complicated, unsure relationship... are you really in love?
In the age where everyone is so busy making a career and a living, we often get lonely at times. With no one to turn to on those "bad days". No one who would care to hear how the day went. No one to lend a shoulder and an ear. And when the going gets tough, we often look for support - could be emotional, spiritual, or even physical... depends on the void we feel. And when these abysses grow we find ways to fill them - some do it with drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, while some fill it with people. However, there are people who do it all to fill their void. Some feel extremely empty while others feel mildly empty. What you choose to fill your void depends on your values and the degree of your feelings.
Romantic relationships in the current generation are a common occurrence. From preteens to young adults, and beyond, it's not rare to find people in short-term relationships. Why is it that we invest so much time and energy to date or be in a relationship with someone who we know we won't last with? And if you thought you'd last... wouldn't you work it out instead of falling out of love? In fact, often girls and guys have quite the attachment drama after break ups. Or as I would say - the withdrawal symptoms.
Waiting around for that phone to beep, or that instant message to pop, or may be even for that person to sign in - is that a sign of being in love or an addiction? Talking to that person everyday, every hour, every minute, and getting to know them and sharing details of your day with them... Is that falling in love or an addiction?
If that is called being in love, does that mean that I will fall in love with every person I talk to everyday, every hour, every minute? There's no doubt that if I talk to that person, I must like him/her. I wouldn't talk to someone I don't like. Knowing things about this person, sure makes him/her familiar... and familiarity brings comfort. With the sense of comfort, trust, and likability... I am sure to love this person - but then would I fall in love?
When I look back in time, at my romantic relationships - sure I love the other person involved, and probably always will... but the question is... was I in love? Even if I was, would I fall again? Probably not. And if I can't fall again, I probably didn't fall the first time either. My previous partners were the outlet of my problems, just like I was theirs. In this fast paced life, we were in sync because we both needed someone. And building on that, we had a relationship - of course I hadn't acknowledged that it was but an addiction. An addiction to an outlet.
But that's my experience... it may not hold true for you. I won't get into how love should be, because that is your decision for yourself as an individual. But do reflect on your relationship and share your insights... because just like you, I want answers too :)
