Tea with Nana

“It was over that cup of coffee I knew they would spend their lives together. It wasn’t their romance; but, the friendship they shared.”My grandmother was finally telling me the story my parents always hid from me!

“Always remember, romance fades but friendship stays. I’ve seen time and again… Passion, lust, sparks, and butterflies – they all fade away. And when they do, you are stranded like a boat in the mid-ocean storm. It is the friendship that brings you ashore.”

“Nana, are you telling me that mom and dad weren’t attracted to each other?”

“No honey. They were attracted. They had love. But love isn’t just passion. It is a mixture of passion, care, trust, honesty and most importantly – friendship.”

“Do they have it all?”

“Yes, they very much do!”

“So, tell me what happened over that cup of coffee!

I have always been curious about how they got together! They fit together so well, but the romance is never visible.”

“The romance is in their eyes! Have you ever noticed the way they look at each other? There is an intensity which you will understand once you shall meet your man!”

“Hmmm…” have I never been observant enough?

“Oh dear! Stop getting lost in your thoughts; listen to the story.”

“Yes; yes, of course!”

“It was a beautiful afternoon, perfect for a cup of coffee and snacks. Your mom had brought a friend and 

your father home. They sat in the lawn giggling and chatting away.

I happened to be working in my room, until I heard them through the window.”

“You eavesdropped on them?” I grinned.

“I wouldn’t say that!” She cringed.

“What was that then?”

“I was observing them” she chose her words carefully.

“ooooh…”

“Oh, stop it! Do you want to hear the story or not?”

“I’m sorry Nana! Of course I want to hear the story!” I was sweet and cajoling, she just couldn’t refuse. I’ve always shared this special bond with Nana. She is a friend; a grandmother; a woman of substance and most importantly she’s really open minded, accepting, and extremely forgiving. Her eyes are filled with compassion, but her voice… it’s firm, but soothing nonetheless. No one messes with her and yet she is patient with me.

She took a sip of tea. As she savoured it, she continued “He’s a creep, he tells everyone ‘I love you’; he even said that to my cousin when they first met!”

“What?” That got me. I was confused. What was she going on about?

“That’s what I heard your mum say to her friend, about your dad.”

“So, how is that nice? She just called him a creep.”

“Yes, she did. What you didn’t notice was that, you never make fun of people you aren’t close to or whom you do not love.”

“Please explain…”

“You are so cheeky with me, but you do not behave that way with others. That cheekiness is an element of your love for me. Am I making sense to you?”

“Yes, but what about them?”

“Well she was making fun of him and he took it in good humor. In fact, he has a witty comeback to it as well! The level of comfort they shared that afternoon was enough to let me know they’d be married someday. And I’m happy they are… I wouldn’t have you otherwise.” She kissed me on my forehead.

“Do they know you were there?” I wondered

“They did find out later on. After which I had a long talk with your mum!”

“Was she in trouble?”

“I surely made her feel like it!” she snickered like a little girl.

“Who’s cheeky now?”

“Well, you’ve got it from me!” The glint in her eyes had a story of its own. She is a woman filled with 

wisdom and yet she is a young girl from within.

 I grinned to her comment, “And then?”

“I told her about love. It’s importance in life. I wanted her to know that if she loved him, she shouldn't let go. No matter what.”

“Weren't you a bit too modern for your time?”

“Are you implying that I’m old?

“Uh, may be.” I sang.

“I’m not that old! I’m just from the dinosaur era!”

“Oh, come on!” I was too old for that joke!

“I once loved a guy. I still regret letting him go.” A tear rolled down her eye. She had never opened up to me this way before.

“Are you alright Nana?” I held her in my embrace, till I knew she was fine.

“Yes, I am!” She smiled and motioned me to sit. Her voice was cheery once again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked carefully.

“Not now darling. You’ve had a story for the day!” She quietly gestured the helpers to clear up.

Yes, we were in the lawn, where my parents were first observed.  

Being I...

As crowds change from generation to generation,

So does the mentality.

For better or worse, 

There must always be changes. 

And life will always go on.

But in the end,

It's about you. 

No two share the same fate...

So, why bother conforming?

Courageous are those who stand their grounds.

'Cause in the end...

It doesn't matter whether you fit-in.

However, what matters is that...

You are satisfied with you were; are, and who you strive to be. 

The now of the little girl.

Every time I see a glimpse of that little girl,

I wish to tell her... tell her to wait. 

Hold on! What's the hurry? 

Why the rush?

You'll grow up in no time. 

You'll be aware of the nasty world in no time!

But, you'll also lose touch with the beauty of your world. 

You'll lose your innocence. 

It will be a deal between you and the world. 

I wish you win. I really do. 

And if you do, may be the world will be different. 

May be my world will be different.

Life can be beautiful...

But, only if you allow the harsh realities to mold you instead of bury you. 

And that is a fight you must experience.

I wish you win. I really do. 

And if you do, may be you'll be a hero. 

May be your light will erase someone else's darkness. 

But while you're here, just wait. 

Be here, be now. 

The deal, the fight, the struggle will come when it's meant to.

Don't barge in, and force your way through.

Because what you have now - is to be treasured and enjoyed. 

Dear little girl, you have a long way to go,

Don't rush it, for you may regret

Cherish the now, so that in your struggles you have something pretty to hold. 

Something that will motivate you to stand your grounds,

Hold your head high and move, move swiftly and steadily 

With hope for a brighter future when you win. 

I wish you win. I really do.

And if you do, you'll have the strength to face it all.

You will be the woman of substance. 

Must you Plan?

With structure there is predictability, 

With predictability, there is certainty...

But structures break, 

Just the way they are made. 

And like water trapped in a dam,

Everything flows. 

It must! Reluctantly or gracefully.

Calmly, or forcefully. 

But it must mold as per the needs of circumstances. 

Plans, Plans, Plans. I have a plan for this.I have a plan for that. I have a plan for everything. But sometimes, my plans fail. And with age, I've learned that everything cannot be planned. And that there is a rhythm to life that needs to be heard. If plans are inconsistent with the rhythm - they often fail. Hear that rhythm! It has volumes to tell you. Hear it out and trust it.

In this materialistic world, we sometimes aim to achieve things that aren't meant for us. We strive to live a life not meant for us. We push, and we push a little harder until everything is in place and there is a flow... But the minute we stop pushing, things fall... apart. All the plans you've ever made crumble. All the dreams you've ever had are not at all desirable anymore. It's seems like a halt. A painful one.

In reality, it's a start to something new. It's a wake-up call. "Hey! I'm life. Listen to me... this is what you think you wanted and needed. Turns out, you ain't too happy. Just flow with me and I'll show you what you really want and need - your true happiness" and when that call comes... follow it. Be accepting towards it. Embrace it... for if you don't, it will drag you anyways. The more resistant you are, the harder it will be to feel the happiness hitting you on your face. The welcoming you are, the more overwhelmed you will be with happiness. Each day is to look forward to, rather than dread.

If you already have a life where you are living from the heart, I'm glad you know your life's rhythm. And if you are living a life you dread, I hope you hear the wake-up call - and make the changes you need. Listen to that rhythm - it's screaming to be heard.

Plans are great tools, but they are just tools. They help you to guide your life, not to dictate how things should go. Leave some loopholes in them, and let time fill them. Because when the time is right, things arrive and circumstances arise - some good, some bad - and they will change you and your life for better or worse. That depends on how you choose to view it. With synchrodestiny working, there are things bound to happen and sometimes we stop them by intensive planning - so then, they just barge in to our lives and destroy the plans. Eventually, we just work our way through them. And if we must do that anyways, why don't we just let them in and cherish the changes?

Moderation

Taken by extremes,

I forget moderation.

I get carried away like a drop, a drop - in the ocean.

At times, I'm part of that tsunami,

Whether I like it or not.

And at other times, I'm part of the quiet waters.

Each circumstance is a reflection of me;

And yet it's not!

If I remember the key,

The doors will always be open

The circumstances shall never be my reflection again;

But instead I shall be theirs!

And all that's ever needed is... moderation

For there is nothing greater nor lesser than it. 

The Search.

I look within to find myself,

The more I look… the hidden I am.

The more I find, the disturbed I am.

The more I judge… the unhappier I am.

Yet, if I didn't bother, and just accepted…

Just accepted what I was, what I am and what I could be…

It wouldn't be hard at all.

That ignorance itself would be bliss.

The comfort would be in uncertainty and the unknown.

But I’m on this journey, and this journey is for me.

I set out on it to meet myself.

If I don’t take the effort, I will never know who I am.

I will never be able to look myself in the mirror and know who this person is.

My reflection would never be accurate.

With the end of this search, I’m sure to not be lost again.

I’m sure to continue with a life of calm and patience

For, it’s no more a journey to a destination, but a destination  in form of a journey.

 Watch the crowd and you see a million masks, walk with the crowd... and you are one of them. Each person has a mask, a cover up for what they want to hide - be it ill-intentions, pain or love. Each individual is a door to a new world. A world which you have no idea about, no what-so-ever clue. A story which has a plot, and they are the main protagonist... even though they may be an antagonist for another person. 

Everything this person does is in self-interest, no body is against anyone else - they are just for themselves. I had read something along those lines somewhere. It made complete sense, however, only when I observe, reflect and introspect. When I am part of the crowd, I too work for my own self-interest... unconsciously. I may hurt another person, but unconsciously. I may make someone's day, but unconsciously. I never realize it, until I introspect. I wonder how many people go about living their lives unconscious of what role they play in another person's life. I wonder how many even realize how much of a difference they make, be it good or bad. I wonder if anyone would even think about how much they mean to another person. And yet, they will never know for sure... because words will eventually fall short to portray the emotions. 

I'm sure many of us do things for others intentionally and consciously, be it good or bad. And sometimes, we don't know why we do them. We may justify our acts, but to what extent can it be true? To what extent do you know yourself? 

You have a story, it may be painful. But have you felt the pain? Or have you buried it deep down somewhere you wouldn't even know it existed. Your story may be of love. But are you expressing that love? Or have you pushed that person away to "simplify" your feelings? Or have you taken that person for granted? You have a story, but you can't be always be sure whether you have savored it all, or gobbled it up in a go. 

And within these stories, there's you. The character. The protagonist. Everything is modifying you! If you compare yourself with the you yesterday - there are unnoticeable changes. But compare yourself with the you last year - there will be a noticeable difference. And that change is just a build up of everything that happens in a day. Hence, every little thing does change you. And you (if you haven't found yourself yet) are struggling to keep up with who you are and the modifications within you. If you have already found yourself, I wonder what your life purpose would be. 

I have a flood of questions. I have a flood of thoughts. Yet, I don't have an answer. Rather, I don't want an answer - all I want is to find myself.