Continuation of Attachment, Love and Self...
Dedicated to Monica :)
It's been a decade since I was told to be my own best friend, and it took me the longest amount of time to understand what that means. Now that I have understood it, I try to practice it... hence I know it's takes lots of time and patience. It is more like a journey than a destination. There will be frustrations, irritations, negativity, confusions and at times you will even want to run away from yourself... and yet, even one moment of success in being your own best friend is so blissful.
So, what does it mean to be your own best friend? Now, as much as I deny I've had temporary best friends and then through time and space we grew apart. I'm sure everyone has met that one person who they can relate to, feel comfortable with and yet have a lot of fun. We all have the qualities of being best friends to someone. But now, that someone is ourselves. List all the qualities you would want your best friend to have and then cultivate them in yourself. Every time you feel low, give yourself love - it's hard, but comes with practice. Every time you see something negative, show yourself the positive - just like a best friend would do. Talk to yourself, because if you can't discuss the issues troubling you to yourself... you can't talk to anyone else about it. And anyways who can understand you better than you?
I know how the society has some stigmas about "talking to yourself", but that's ok... they don't need to know about your connection to yourself. It's not at all creepy, in fact everyone does it unknowingly. Ever thought of things you can't do? - Well that's your mind telling you things about you, it may be right or it may be wrong... but it's still talking to you. However that's negative self-talk, while positive self-talk is what we all need and that's what a real best friend does. Yes, you criticize yourself but it's to help you go forward ... not to limit you. So the more positive self-talk you practice, the better best friend you are to yourself. The more objectively you see your situation, the easier it is to practice this positive self-talk. But sometimes one can't help being subjective and roll into negative self-talk... but this is where awareness and acceptance comes in.When you are aware of your self-talk you can manipulate it to be positive. And you manipulate it by accepting the negative and letting it go for good.
Another thing about being your own best friend, is listening. Sometimes we get so caught up in self-talk that we don't even think about our problems. I have come to realize that when I voice my problems and talk about it, I normally get my answers and all the other person had to do was listen to me rant. So why can't I rant to myself - without judgement, without self-talk (although I may need it after I'm done), with complete acceptance, and with love and compassion? I don't have to rant in front of the whole world, I can do it privately, I can do it on paper as well... as long as I am clearly aware of the whole situation. Often when we think of our problems, we just state the negatives and leave out the positives and the side details, but when we talk it out to our friends we have to explain the whole situation. When we look at the problem holistically things seem a lot smaller than it did when we just thought about the problem. That's why when being your own best friend, you have to treat yourself as an outsider - you must talk about everything so you gain clarity on the situation. And once you've done that, that's when self talk comes in play.
A relationship is always about give and take, hence your relationship with yourself also follows this pattern. You must give yourself every detail of the story to take advice and encouragement. And trust yourself for the best advice, if you can give them to others - you can also give them to yourself, with correct practice. :)
As for my journey, this is what I have learnt so far... and I still have a long way to go because knowing and realizing isn't the same. I know this, I yet have to practice it to realize it.
Dedicated to Monica :)
It's been a decade since I was told to be my own best friend, and it took me the longest amount of time to understand what that means. Now that I have understood it, I try to practice it... hence I know it's takes lots of time and patience. It is more like a journey than a destination. There will be frustrations, irritations, negativity, confusions and at times you will even want to run away from yourself... and yet, even one moment of success in being your own best friend is so blissful.
So, what does it mean to be your own best friend? Now, as much as I deny I've had temporary best friends and then through time and space we grew apart. I'm sure everyone has met that one person who they can relate to, feel comfortable with and yet have a lot of fun. We all have the qualities of being best friends to someone. But now, that someone is ourselves. List all the qualities you would want your best friend to have and then cultivate them in yourself. Every time you feel low, give yourself love - it's hard, but comes with practice. Every time you see something negative, show yourself the positive - just like a best friend would do. Talk to yourself, because if you can't discuss the issues troubling you to yourself... you can't talk to anyone else about it. And anyways who can understand you better than you?
I know how the society has some stigmas about "talking to yourself", but that's ok... they don't need to know about your connection to yourself. It's not at all creepy, in fact everyone does it unknowingly. Ever thought of things you can't do? - Well that's your mind telling you things about you, it may be right or it may be wrong... but it's still talking to you. However that's negative self-talk, while positive self-talk is what we all need and that's what a real best friend does. Yes, you criticize yourself but it's to help you go forward ... not to limit you. So the more positive self-talk you practice, the better best friend you are to yourself. The more objectively you see your situation, the easier it is to practice this positive self-talk. But sometimes one can't help being subjective and roll into negative self-talk... but this is where awareness and acceptance comes in.When you are aware of your self-talk you can manipulate it to be positive. And you manipulate it by accepting the negative and letting it go for good.
Another thing about being your own best friend, is listening. Sometimes we get so caught up in self-talk that we don't even think about our problems. I have come to realize that when I voice my problems and talk about it, I normally get my answers and all the other person had to do was listen to me rant. So why can't I rant to myself - without judgement, without self-talk (although I may need it after I'm done), with complete acceptance, and with love and compassion? I don't have to rant in front of the whole world, I can do it privately, I can do it on paper as well... as long as I am clearly aware of the whole situation. Often when we think of our problems, we just state the negatives and leave out the positives and the side details, but when we talk it out to our friends we have to explain the whole situation. When we look at the problem holistically things seem a lot smaller than it did when we just thought about the problem. That's why when being your own best friend, you have to treat yourself as an outsider - you must talk about everything so you gain clarity on the situation. And once you've done that, that's when self talk comes in play.
A relationship is always about give and take, hence your relationship with yourself also follows this pattern. You must give yourself every detail of the story to take advice and encouragement. And trust yourself for the best advice, if you can give them to others - you can also give them to yourself, with correct practice. :)
As for my journey, this is what I have learnt so far... and I still have a long way to go because knowing and realizing isn't the same. I know this, I yet have to practice it to realize it.
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